Friday, October 15, 2010

Round and Round I Go

Welcome to the weekend!

So it is Friday again, hooray! It could not have come at a more convenient time, like really, I am tired, both mentally and physically. Time to rest! So onto other news. Got an email this week from one of the college's I applied to for a job. The Director of Annual Giving wanted to do a phone interview yesturday. It was in California. It went well. It is a smaller college, but would be a really good opportunity. I would like the position. I have been thinking alot about it since last night. So many thought have been going through my head, trying to get my head on straight at times can prove to be a difficult task more so then it seems that it should.

So to start. I would miss here. New changes are always good. New wards let you meet new people, but I would sincerly miss my family even though they tend to drive me crazy sometimes.

Second I wonder would I be happy there? I mean really happy there? I mean usually I am a happy person but lately with anything the things I have been contemplating, namely how my life changed because of the decison of another well I have to wonder if the decisions I am making are because I want to change and run away or because I honestly feel that this is right. Doing what is right is what is important but I sometimes wonder if I can trust my judgement. I have felt like things needed to change for a while, but the change was what I thought was coming, him coming home, him deciding he loved me, getting married, moving on with my life. Instead I am stuck trying to make the important decisions again, what to do, where to go, how to move on, none of which I was supposed to make on my own. It is just hard to know if I am running from my concerns, my worries, and most importantly my heartache and myself.

Also with that comes deciding what is right for me. So what if I get a job offer, do I stay, do I go? Maryland wants me to come out for a live interview. I know more about both positions now, but I think and am pretty positive I don't want the one in Maryland so I likely won't do my live interview, it is a waste of time and money I do not have. But what about California? I keep going back and forth right. It could be me being nervous, apart from trips I have made across the world I have never really struck out on my own, I never depended souly and completely on myself for my living. I wonder if my concerns come from wondering whether I am capable of taking care of myself, paying my bills, doing all the real grown up things I do not have to completely do on my own living at home. But then there is the whole going someplace all by myself. No one to hold my hand. It is comforting to have someone, when my friends take job offers they have spouses, so though they are afraid, they find comfort in eachother. I don't I would go the road alone.

California has a lot to offer, good salary, benefits, and opportunities to help the annual giving and office of advancement grow. However my concerns are still there. One position includes more traveling, meeting with people one on one, I am good at that, and would probably work a more normal shift with position. The other is what bothers me. It is running their version of BYU's telefund. I have the ability, the power, the strength and the ability to learn what I do not. But the schedule bothers me. I would work for now a 12-9 schedule monday -thursday and sundays 1-5ish I would be able to go to church but so far I have not seen one singles ward that runs that early. So I would either have to settle for a family ward :( or have a singles ward but attend a family ward for church until my schedule would change, which is promised. Then there the questions of how long would it take to change my schedule, 3 month, 6 months, a year. Also with the change in times I would quit sundays and work fridays, yeah for traditional work weeks. But again how far in the future do they see that. I don't mind the late night working, it is definately the Sunday schedule that bothers me.

So it all goes back to that question, is this right? Should I even worry about it anymore? Or do I wait and feel it out when it comes. I am not too sure yet. In my last interview yesturday with California I thought it went well, he told me I was a strong candidate for either position, I know the Vice President lady liked me too. And he told me I would need to submit a salary history to them for a final offer. He didn't say I got a job but he told me I should know by next week and to call him if I haven't heard by next friday. So it sounds good. I guess now I am just lost in too much to decide, too much to figure out, and not enough time or space in my brain to think clearly or see it clearly. Okay I think that is all, unless any of you have thought? Thoughts anyone?

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