I heard that you're settled down,
That you found a girl and you're married now,
I heard that your dreams came true,
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you,
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light,
You know how the time flies,
Only yesterday was the time of our lives,
We were born and raised in a summer haze,
Bound by the surprise of our glory days,
No worries or cares,
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,
Never mind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah,
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah,
I was watching a movie with my friend, an American girl thinks she is in love with this man, totally bad for her, and on her adventure there is this Irish man. He teaches her about real love, about being adventurous, about being her real self. I loved this movie. It reminded me of the very reasons why I fell in love with him. He was witty, he had a great accent, he was good looking. But most importantly he taught me to be me, to live more adventurous. I am not sure he even knows this. The reasons I fell in love with him.
I know where we stand as of now. I know we are supposed to just be "friends". I know I am supposed to go on with my life. I even recognize that he will find someone else. Someone to replace me, someone to love, someone to hold. Someone he will show how to be adventurous. But me, I wonder sometimes, will I find someone to replace him. To bring the very best me out? To help me be happy? I am not sure yet. I will be happy for him, no matter where life takes us. He deserves happiness. They always say if you love someone set them free.
It is funny how sometimes things work. I thought by now we would be talking about our futures, never did I want to let it occur that we would be discussing our futures but not together. Not as partners in crime, taking life and living it. Not dreaming together about growing old together. Instead I have had to find my own dreams again. It is hard to take those dreams and store them away on shelves like you do books you have started writing but don’t know how they end. There they sit. Unfinished, you never know how they could have ended because they had only just begun. Instead after time you take out a new book, with fresh unwritten pages and start anew, hoping that this story finishes its ending, has an ending, one where you know that the beginning leads you somewhere.
Dreams are hard to put away. Even harder to start again. I had an idea of where my life was heading, and all the thoughts of what I wanted or thought I wanted my life to go before my dreams ended are unappealing now. I guess it just goes to show that people change, events in lives change people, and people change people. It is almost as if when the dust settles from events like love, you have to dust it off. Pick yourself up off the ground look in the mirror and become re-aquatinted with you. With a person who may look the same on the outside but inside changed, hurts a little more easily, trusts with a heart a little less. Stone walls may have been built, hearts may be weaker. And most importantly dreams start over, we have to figure out again what we really need and want. I guess that is me. A little broken, a lot unsure of the path ahead. Trying one day at a time to put the pieces of a life I was once happy with back together.