Thursday, March 31, 2011


Life, it's a game of ups and downs, it's a lot of decisions, and it is a lot about love, about heartache, and what we do with it when we are done. Or I guess when we are trying to be done. Moving on with your life is probably the hardest part of loving someone and having things not work out the way you expected. I love Adele, I am not sure how many Adele lovers there are out there but this song's lyrics and her emotion says it all for me!! It is call someone like you:
First Line:
I heard that you're settled down,
That you found a girl and you're married now,
I heard that your dreams came true,
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you,
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light,

Second Line:
You know how the time flies,
Only yesterday was the time of our lives,
We were born and raised in a summer haze,
Bound by the surprise of our glory days,

Third Line:
Nothing compares,
No worries or cares,
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,

Never mind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah,

I was watching a movie with my friend, an American girl thinks she is in love with this man, totally bad for her, and on her adventure there is this Irish man. He teaches her about real love, about being adventurous, about being her real self. I loved this movie. It reminded me of the very reasons why I fell in love with him. He was witty, he had a great accent, he was good looking. But most importantly he taught me to be me, to live more adventurous. I am not sure he even knows this. The reasons I fell in love with him.

I know where we stand as of now. I know we are supposed to just be "friends". I know I am supposed to go on with my life. I even recognize that he will find someone else. Someone to replace me, someone to love, someone to hold. Someone he will show how to be adventurous. But me, I wonder sometimes, will I find someone to replace him. To bring the very best me out? To help me be happy? I am not sure yet. I will be happy for him, no matter where life takes us. He deserves happiness. They always say if you love someone set them free.

It is funny how sometimes things work. I thought by now we would be talking about our futures, never did I want to let it occur that we would be discussing our futures but not together. Not as partners in crime, taking life and living it. Not dreaming together about growing old together. Instead I have had to find my own dreams again. It is hard to take those dreams and store them away on shelves like you do books you have started writing but don’t know how they end. There they sit. Unfinished, you never know how they could have ended because they had only just begun. Instead after time you take out a new book, with fresh unwritten pages and start anew, hoping that this story finishes its ending, has an ending, one where you know that the beginning leads you somewhere.

Dreams are hard to put away. Even harder to start again. I had an idea of where my life was heading, and all the thoughts of what I wanted or thought I wanted my life to go before my dreams ended are unappealing now. I guess it just goes to show that people change, events in lives change people, and people change people. It is almost as if when the dust settles from events like love, you have to dust it off. Pick yourself up off the ground look in the mirror and become re-aquatinted with you. With a person who may look the same on the outside but inside changed, hurts a little more easily, trusts with a heart a little less. Stone walls may have been built, hearts may be weaker. And most importantly dreams start over, we have to figure out again what we really need and want. I guess that is me. A little broken, a lot unsure of the path ahead. Trying one day at a time to put the pieces of a life I was once happy with back together.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Other Heart

To the Lover of His Heart:

You stand in my place, you fill my shoes. I think of you, but you don’t know my name. As you gaze into his beautiful blue eyes, the way I did, do you know that I love the heart you now love? I fit perfectly into his embrace, as you now do. My dreams were his dreams. His dreams are now your dreams. Does he hold the delicate key to your heart too? I wonder are you good enough from him? Can you love him as I love him? Because now you stand in my place, you fill my shoes.

The Women With the Green Eyes

Friday, March 11, 2011


Welcome to the week!!!

I have a great friend and she and I were talking the other day, (I know imagine me talking) anyway. We were discussing life, the current events of our lives, and the things we could do to make them more meaningful. She currently was working on a list of things she wanted to accomplish in her life. It made me think about something I wanted to do, 30 things before I turn 30. I realize I have a little while to go before I turn that age most girls my age worry and stew over and feel great turmoil about. But this something I want to do, a bucketlist of sorts!!

So without further adieu:

Have my first kiss! (not just give it away either)
Kiss in the rain (it may not be as romantic as the movies make it, but I love the rain)
Go Back to England
Go Back to Scotland
Go Back to Inverness, Switzerland
Go to Ireland
Go to Wales
Go to Norway (Specifically the Big mountains with water at the bottom!)
Visit Neuschwanstein
Run a 5k (not sure how I am going to do this I can't run a mile!)
Go on a church history tour
Camp out under the stars
Take a cake decorating class
Write a short story and publish it
Kick a bucket!
Get out of debt
Watch a movie up the canyon
See a meteor shower
Wish on a shooting star
Watch the stars with someone special
Do a photoshoot
Take a boy on a picinic in the park, and fly a kit
Wipe away someone's tears
Take a road trip
Walk on the beach at night,
Watch a sunrise and sunset on two opposite sides of the country in one day
Go para sailing
Master an amazing dish
Treat myself to dinner and a movie
Ask Someone out I never would