Thursday, September 2, 2010

Smorgeshbord of Thought!

Welcome back to my twisted brain, well at least the thoughts you could get lost in, trust me it is a winding web!! haha!

First I believe my favorite season has arrived!! I can smell it in the air, and more importantly I can feel the change in the air!! I love the fall. It feels different. Summer smells hot. Feels hot. But September marks fall and the last few mornings you could smell the cool damp grass, feel the cool damp air that only comes with the fall. It reminded me of all my favorite things: fall leaves in their varying shades of yellows, reds, and oranges. The excitement of the fans in the stands watching their favorite teams take their places on the green grass as they clash with the opposing team. Warm pots of chili and soups! What is there not to love about this beautiful season, it is my favorite time of year!! It is very nostolgic for me!!

Second, I had a chance to go out with my best friend!! We went to dinner and it was such a nice night! I love this girl to peices. We have been friends since we were like 14, and never had a fight! She has been there through the ups of my life, and the definate downs! I am one lucky person to have a great friend. God has made it very clear recently that I have been blessed abundantly and this was one gentle reminder from God that he cares and loves me. Sometimes God puts people in our lives to make a difference and change us for good, she would be that person for me! Thank you Savannah, if I haven't told you lately I love you and am grateful for your friendship, love, and most importantly for all you teach me about being a better person!

Do you ever have dreams that disturb you? Like really. You know not the kind where you are running away from a man chasing you and no matter how hard you run you cannot get anywhere, though those are disturbing. But the kind that give you an idea of the turmoil you are feeling spiritually, emotionally? Well I had one of those last night. I was in family scripture study when what I dreamed about really hit me, and man it was a wammy!! See I love him and all, but I feel like now I am on a roller coaster, in both the way I feel and about the decisions I am trying to make. I am not sure what decisons to make and how to make them? I know this all sounds stupid, after all how and why should someone else effect so much my decisons. But I spent the last two years focusing on what this situation had to offer. Now I am at the end of it and all it seems to bring me is confusion. I know he needs time, but I need answers!! How do we get both!!!! Some days it is more then I can handle.

The other thing that makes this so difficult is another situation I have been dealing with for a while. One of my other best friends has decided she is in love with what she calls a London, and now she wants to talks about it!!! Um no! It was my dream. It is supposed to be my life. Call me pathetic but we chatted on facebook last week and I told her how things were. I feel like she doesn't understand me much anymore. We aren't the same people and our friendship has grown apart since she was unable to tell me some things she was feeling and I got word of it by another. It is just frusturating. How to deal with this all. I sometimes want to be like the osterich, dig a hole and stick my head in it until all the confusion, emotional stress has passed. Pathetic yes, is it the way I feel though yes!!

I hope after expressing myself so openly none of my few readers think badly of me, but what am I supposed to do?

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