Thursday, August 26, 2010

A lot of life, a lot of thought

Hello blogger universe, my universe!! haha, it must all revolve around me right?

Just kidding, So I was thinking, I know I have been writing you know about once a week or so does anyone read my blog? haha probably not but that is okay!

Anyways on to life. Where to begin? Well I have had much to think about!! The guy who I waited to get home from his mission is home!! Welcome home!! But what does this mean? Well hopefully he does not read this! Anyways, we are still good friends or at least I hope so, we haven't done much talking except by facebook, though I am grateful to talk to him, I am not sure where he stands when it comes to anything more then friends. So I am left with confusion!! It is okay I understand he just got home, he has a lot to figure out, life, school, work, life, you know. How much can a girl ask for from someone who is just trying to figure things out himself?
Well I am still trying to figure that out myself. I was talking to a friend the other day about my uncertainty about my future in any direction. We talked about my choices my desires. Here is what I want:

A family, a handsome husband whom I could adore, preferrably the one I was speaking of earlier but if that is not in the cards then someone who God has ready for me. I want kids and truthfully I am ready for it now.

I want to go back here! I love London! I love the crowds, the culture, the people. I love London, I want to go back, I want to live here if I can. I have thought about the ways to go back. I even have thought about going to MBA school here!

That is what I want. But what I have. Well I have a good job. I have good friends, but I need to change something. I am bored with life. I need something more then a day to day job where I do the same things. Not that I am complaing. My friend told me about her job in Washington DC and now I am thinking of moving to:

YUP here, if I could find a good job! Not sure why but I am.

So it brings me back to my soap box. I was talking to the afore mentioned male friend. We have been discussing his big plans for life, school, traveling, life, work. All great things and I am happy for him I am! but what am I to do? I told him yesturday about some of the things I was thinking about, and poor guy got more then he bargained for by asking one question. But he was right, do I really want to move to Washington DC? not sure, I do want a family, told him this, but what is a girl who wants something and doesn't have it supposed to do? I don't know about the rest of you but I am not the sit around and mope type. I go out and do other things in the mean time.

I didn't expect to fall in love with a man who lives half way around the world, I didn't expect God to tell me to wait for him while he served his mission. Yes I hoped when he got home my life would have a clearer path then it currently does. And I wish with my heart and soul he would tell me today he loved me. But lets face it, it could happen but not today, and it may not ever happen. But God will pay forward the blessings of following his desires for me. Hopefully in the directions I need and want. But I never know. Until then I guess my options are to continue to out one step in front of the other on lifes path and hope it lands me in a direction and path I am both happy with and ready for.

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