First thing first, Happy New Year! It is 2014. I never thought this year would come and I have waited more then patiently for it to come for a few years now. My last semester in class starts on Monday. My last practicum is this semester and importantly internships are interviewed for and handed out this semester, if all goes well I will be a full fledged teacher this fall with my own class. If all goes well I will be working in Wasatch school district. If my hopes and dreams come true I would even be at my favorite elementary school there. Here is hoping!
So onto the things you want to read about. This last year has been an interesting one. I have had a lot of ups and downs, a few set backs, a few bumps in the road, and a lot of thought changing. I started the year by changing my physician who deals with my thyroid. For you who do not know I was born without a thyroid. I spent my entire life battling what I am realizing is more then a weight problem, but a food addiction and a thinking problem. This doctor specializes in Thyroid conditions and he helped me get feeling like me again, he got my levels where they should be, then he broached the subject I feared most. My weight. We talked options, weight loss surgery was his option. He had me look into it, but I knew before I left his office it wasn't the right option. I went back a couple months later and told him no, and he suggested the new FDA approved weight loss drug Qsymia. I told him I would think about it. I did some soul searching and praying, and between me and the spirit I felt impressed that not only was this the way to go but that I could finally conquer my weight loss. I could win a battle I thought was unconquerable and I could be the me I always knew was on the inside that no one really sees. Essentially God told me he is in my corner, that I need to stop hiding behind my weight and that this was my time. I really felt that. So I went back and told my doctor to go forward. He gave me the prescription and I started on Mothers day. It has been a bumpy road since then.
I never realized that I would loose so much so quickly. And when I say loose so much so quickly I do not just mean weight. Weight is just the beginning of what I lost. I spent a life time being overweight. I spent a lifetime running away from my bullies, running away from people who love me, essentially running away from me. Loosing weight for a fat person is not just about the pounds shed, it is also about changing your thoughts, your ideas, your thinking. It is about realizing you can be something you have never known before. I had this conversation with a friend earlier this year and I said I cannot even see myself thin. I have never been thin, and I am not sure I will ever be thin. My friend being wiser then I in many ways reminded me that as long as I think that way I will never be thin. I never realized my weight loss journey would also mean loosing a train of thought that had been my constant companion my whole life. I used to think that this was as good as it is going to get, if someone can't love me now they will never love. I don't think this is as good as it is going to get, I think I can be what I want to be, do what I want to do. And yes that is as good as it is going to be and if I cannot be loved for recognizing that I have faith and confidence in myself to be what I want to be then well tough luck for you. I have always loved myself but the longer this journey goes on the more I recognize how much I really do love me and that is why I do this.
SO here is where I am, When I started this I was at a 32 pant size and a 4x shirt, I am now at a 24 size pant and actually pretty close to being a size 22. I wear a mix of 3x and 2x shirts. I might add that most my clothes in my closet have been cleaned out and sent out or given away, I either replaced them or pulled out old clothes I had since HIGH SCHOOL!! yup you read right!! I am the same size I was in High School!! I am so excited to see the changes. I have lost a total of 79 pounds and will be hitting the 100 pound mark hopefully by the end of February. I usually cannot see the change in myself that is hard for me, but the change is sizes really helps, I finally have ankles and my fingers have lost about 2 ring sizes. I found that out the hard way as I was playing in the snow and my CTR ring I had since I was 13 fell off somewhere and I cannot find it. I had to order a new one and it should be here any day. I am starting this new year off with a few goals, not resolutions as I really dislike resolutions but I am going to clean up my eating and start a more strict exercise plan. I am excited to see where this new year will take me!
Now sorry this is so long but on to you, thank you for your support, this is not something I could do without your support. There have been many conversations I had where I have been reminded I could do this, been inspired to keep trying, and been grateful for the love and support!