Thursday, December 30, 2010

From Start to Finish

Happy New Year Readers!

I wondered if an obligatory end of the year post is necessary. But if many of you are like me the end of the year is time for reflection of the past year. I am not a big New Years Resolution type. I set them and usually don't even do them for one day!! haha. Let's be honest that is the way it usually goes. I do spend time thinking about where I started though and how I got to where I am, for better or worse here I am.

This year, wow, to think about it is a lot to take in. I first wonder where this year has gone. It is the end of December. It is snowy and cold, and the next time I will see the warmth and the beautiful sun for an extended period of time will be spring. When the year started I thought this year was going to be different in so many ways. But how different this year turned out. For one I didn't expect to have Gallbladder Surgery!! It was a year of hope, of faith, of tears, of disappointment, of good friends, of living life.

I remember at the end of 2009 I was looking forward to 2010. It had much to offer. New friends, service opportunities in my church, and most important to me Love. It was my year. He was coming home. No more letters to write, but they were to be replaced with, as I hoped, phone calls and visits. Cuddling, first kisses, and realizations that life was finally going in the direction I was ready for. But as I said before. This year didn't go the way I hoped, the way I could only dream. Some dreams made in your heart, in dreams, and even on stars come to pass. Others don't. But either way I was and am changed. I am different. Somehow I feel stuck between what could have been and what is to be.

I love Music. I love to sit at a piano and know that when I hit a set of keys together in rhythm I get music. Lyrics too, often say the words that my heart longs to write but is unable. I was listening to Natasha Bedingfield's "Unwritten". It reminded me that the future ahead isn't written for me yet. I don't have a path so set out I have no choice as to where it leads. That to me is the beauty of the future. It scares me often to have no idea of where my life is going. But I love the idea that my path is there to be written. My story only has one author, and I am it, I am the main character and life is the plot. I want love, life's thick plots will provide it, whether or not it is returned in one way or another is the plot of life. I want new friends and opportunities, I can be sure the life's plot too will write that into my life.

I look back, I see how I have grown, how spiritually I had to have faith when faith was hard to have. When things I was asked to do didn't and still don't make sense. I see now things I did not see then. Often hindsight is 20/20. I have grown, I have become someone different then Keri of 2009. I am older, and maybe even wiser. I think today of where my life has taken me from, and where is has to take me to. This year is over. The heartache of this year is over. Next year may be a different story, one filled with love or one filled with more heartache. I don't know yet. I do know this. Life no matter who you are always has something to offer. Someone is always watching out for you, And though sometimes life's little moments get you down, tomorrow is a new day to write your own story. To become who you want to be. I can see myself today. I already know what I plan to change for the coming year. Not as a resolution but as a real life change. As a girl who writes her own story.

What will your story be?

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