It's Friday and I am so excited! Well technically Friday is pretty much over, it is like quarter after eleven. So yeah pretty over. It was a fantastic week. Surprising since it felt like not as great a start to the week. Things have been going well. I am eating well, actually I am not sure how to explain it. This week has been a little weird, I pretty much have had no desire to eat all week. I know I haven't had enough to eat this week. It is weird cause I tried to eat, I knew I needed to eat, but I just didn't feel like it. I have come to recognize a couple of things about myself. I never understood my signals before. I understand them better now, not perfectly but better, I feel the point of satiation without getting full, I know when to stop and not have the need to keep eating. This has been a huge blessing for me to come to understand. The other thing I am recognizing and learning about myself is how hard it is to change perception about ones self. Learning to love one's self is a life long process, I long ago accepted myself for me, for who I was both inside and out. Sometimes it gets hard for me to recognize the changes on the outside because I long ago accepted myself for who I was no matter what anyone thought. My clothes no longer fit, this should be a good thing, and I admit even for me it is. However there is a part of me, though I am not sure how big or small it is, that doesn't know how to feel about it. That feels emotional confusion about how to feel about it. I don't know how to explain it others then I put on my clothes and they fall off so clearly I am getting smaller, like a lot of inches smaller, but when I look in the mirror I do not see it. I am not sure how long this will take to understand or see but I will get there. I am grateful for the help I am receiving in loosing weight. I am grateful for the changes and the new acceptance of who I am but I am coming to recognize they take time. But it is important. So this week should be a good week, mostly cause I wasn't hungry and didn't eat much. But It should be good!
Other things have been on my mind this week. One of the biggest is faith. I have had a few things on my mind and needed clarity beyond what I was getting on my own. I asked two priesthood holders from my ward to give me a blessing and I gained insight into me, into what Heavenly Father does for me in ways I sometimes won't let him. He reminded me how he has put me on a path and how up until now I have done what he asked but with a crutch, or with trying to protect myself the only way I know how. It was so direct to stop trying to go around but rather to be on the path and experience it. It led me to much pondering and praying, it left me with an understanding about myself I never had before to understand what my two biggest fears are. I feel more and more confident in what He wants from me and where I could be going, but I have to do my part. This is always hard for me. But I have to go forward in faith and trust that Heavenly Father knows what I am doing and where I am going. He knows how to make me better. He knows how to make whatever he wants of the path I am on, He knows how to make it work where I do not. My job is to pray, to listen, respond, and act in faith. Sometimes the things he asks me to do make no sense, sometimes they are hard but when I act it make sense, it works out and I will keep going!
Tonight was fun, I went out with a girl friend of mine and saw the Scarlet Pimpernel. It was funny and I really love the Elizabethan age dresses! I sure would love to wear one someday! haha! Have a fantastic weekend!!